So I've been feeling kind of down lately. You know, missing many people who live in your beauty. Especially a certain big brother. I wish so bad that you had a phone or even email. Just to hear is voice again. Hear is laugh again. See his smile again. Listen to him ramble on about things that only he understands. It's all the little things that I miss. I even miss him critiquing my choice of fashion. I miss him telling me that my dance costumes make my butt look big. I just miss him. I know you are taking care of him. I know he is happy and that he is serving those that passed on before him. I just want to get a text from him. I want him to ask me "Why are you here?" in that teasing tone when I go home. I just want to talk to my big brother one more time. Is that too much to ask for? I miss him more and more everyday. I find myself forgetting what he sounded like. I don't want to forget anything about him. I'm so grateful that I have pictures of him, but sometimes pictures just aren't enough. They don't show his loving spirit, or his glow. The pictures don't talk back. They can't give me advice that only he could. I am so grateful for the time I had with him. I am so happy that I know that someday I will get to join him in your beauty. I only hope that it will seem like no time has gone by at all. I hope that when I do get to hear his voice again, I treasure it more than ever before. I don't want to miss a single moment of his life. I know that although he is living in your beauty he is still here for me when I need him the most. Even knowing this, it is so hard not to miss him and want him physically here. Is that selfish of me? If it is, I'm sorry. I just want to laugh with him again. I just want to give him a hug. I never hugged him enough while he was here. Please always let him hear me. Always let him comfort me. Always let my big brother be there for me. It's hard to think of big things happening in my life and him not being here to share those things with me. When I think of graduating, getting married, having kids, or any other milestones I can't help but to cry because he won't be with me. I won't get to have a picture of me and ALL my brothers at my wedding. It breaks my heart. I know that in the eternal perspective these things aren't that big of a deal, but right now in my life I can't even stand to think about it. So Heaven, I guess what I'm saying is I miss my Jo Bro more than ever. I know he is where he is supposed to be, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me and all I want is for him to come back. Please don't ever let me forget anything about him. Keep his spirit alive in my heart. Help me to smile because of all the things we did get to do. Help me not to dwell on the things he won't be here for. It's hard to believe that he's been gone for 10 months already. It doesn't seem like very long, but at the same time it feels like he's been gone for years. I miss him. Tell him I love him. Tell him not to forget about me either. Tell him I always need my big brother. Tell him I pray for him. Tell him not to forget about mom and dad. Tell him not to forget about the boys either. We all need his help to push forward. Tell him we miss him everyday and every minute and every second. Tell him we love him. Tell him to work hard and to help others. He is such a great person and he can and will accomplish so much living in your beauty. You are so lucky to have his amazing spirit with you. He's the best.
Love Always... Chaeli
You almost have me in tears, Chaeli. This is beautifully written.
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